Hello, and welcome to The Hungry Hungry Homo Blog. I'm Michael, I have a crunchwrap supreme in hand, a liter of diet coke and I'm gonna be using this blog to talk at you, whoever you are. I say 'at' for obvious reasons. Here's a few sentences about how this will work. Sometimes funny shit happens to me, or I have epiphanies, or I discover the meaning of life and I'm all like "I should share this." Now I can. You're welcome.
Here's a bunch of sentences about why I decided to make a blog. I gayed out a few days ago and googled Kelly Clarkson. I'll give you a minute to either laugh/judge/or gay gasp and clutch your chest in excitement (I feel those are the three given reactions at the mention of Kelly Clarkson). So I Google her and you know how search engines like to give you related searches? This popped up:
Related searches: Kelly Clarkson fat. Which, while hilarious for people like me, is terrible for Kelly Clarkson! So naturally I start thinking about myself and what would show up when you Googled my full name. Among the links to a Fordham graduate, and various school coaches there were in fact a few pages about me. My public listing on Facebook, which now makes me wary of the profile picture I chose. My old Twitter account that I made before Twitter was popular and then deleted due to lack of people to follow. My new Twitter account that I got after Twitter was discovered to follow the masses, and the most embarrassing hint to my past possible.
You see, I used to write all the time, and was obsessed with a little website of fantasy fiction stories and art. I'd spend hours on it, and decided I was determined to get my writing on it. It was a long process that required approval from moderators and other people that think they're better than you, and somehow my 14 year old poem about vampires was published on the site. I absolutely will not link you to it, but you can search it if you'd like. It's a hysterical reminder of my awkward years and I've come to accept it being out there. (by 'accept it' I clearly mean that I lost the password years and years ago or that motherfucker would have bit the dust by now and I never would have brought it up again.)
Then I decided I'd look on Google images and see if there's anything that comes up that's really a picture of me. These are the only four images of my actual person that showed up in the 6 pages I looked through:
OK...The first two...What does that say about me? I look like I A. only wear Hollister B. Abuse cats C. Play with fire. I'm completely unconvinced the third one is a picture of me on second glance. I can't figure out for the life of me whose apartment that could possibly be, nor which one of those two people I could possibly be... And in the last one I'm not wearing a shirt and I don't wanna look slutty on the Internet, you know?
Oh, and also if you're an employer or something, don't judge or fire me? I'm considering this a binding contract on that.
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